So, you've got SELECT privileges on your remote MySQL server but not UPDATE/INSERT?
If you have administrative rights on the server you could just grant your account UPDATE/INSERT priviliges
GRANT UPDATE on `my_database`.`my_table` TO 'my_account'@'my_location' IDENTIFIED BY 'secret_password';
If not you'll have to make friends with the admin
Don't Stand on your head - you'll get footprints in your hair